Graduates' Survival Cookbook entry

Mr D’s recipe for getting target person to fancy you something dreadful as a result of eating Potato Bake

Potato Bake needs several large potatoes, a packet of grated parmesan cheese, ¼ litre of double cream, cool clothes, 1/3 litre milk, two twigs of fresh rosemary or powdered stuff in bottle, black pepper, dimmed lights, salt, great music, large red candle, one packet of your natural and irresistible charm.


1. peel and slice potatoes and place overlapping in rows in easykleen, no stick, wipe with old t shirt oven dish
2. add milk over the top evenly
3. place or sprinkle rosemary on top, grind pepper, add a bit of salt and place in medium oven
4. have a beer
5. after about 25 minutes in the oven (dish not you) remove burned milk skin (your fault), add cream and cover with parmesan
6. have a beer
7. sort clothes, music, candle and charm
8. after 15 minutes in oven remove, check if cream still gooey and parmesan brown and serve. If not, wait (if white) or start again (if black) depending
9. serve with dressed lettuce – no need for meat because…

…if target person is male praise strength enhancing attributes of potatoes and protein in cheese whilst winking salaciously, whereas…

…if target person is female, quote Hamlet act 4 scene 5 line 172 ‘There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance; pray, love, remember…’ as you serve and avoid smug smirk of sincerity.